..MiSSiNG YU DEEPLY

i WAS T0LD THAT iF YU PUT G0D FiRST THEN YU W0ULD NEVER FEEL L0NELY WHEN A MAN LEAVES YU .. AND i D0NT AND DiDNT FEEL L0NELY WHEN HE LEFT 0R HE LEFT 0R SURPRiSNGLY WHEN HE LEFT .. BUT WHEN YU LEFT ME i WAS L0ST .. HURT .. HURT CANT DESCRiBE WAT i FEEL .. LiKE i WAS N0 iM TRYiNG T0 FiND MY WAY AGAiN N0 STiLL .. BECAUSE WHAT WE HELD WAS S0METHiNG THAT WAS S0 SACRED AND SPECiAL T0 ME, S0METHiNG THAT i NEVER HAD WiTH AN0THER PERS0N MALE 0R FEMALE .. iT WAS LiKE WE WERE TWiNS .. AND i FELT WAT YU FELT YU FELT WHAT i FELT BUT S0ME H0W THE C0NNECTi0N WE HELD WAS FUCKD UP AND i S0MEH0W MiSSED THE MEM0 WHEN HE CALLED YU T0 STAY WiTH HiM .. WHAT D0ES A PERS0N D0 WHEN THEY L0SE A BESTFRiEND .. WHAT AM i SUPP0SED T0 FEEL .. WiLL THE FEELiNG G0 AWAY ? MY DREAMS HAUNT ME (STiLL) .. i WAKE UP BUT YUR STiLL N0T HERE .. AND iTS LiKE N00NE UNDERSTANDS 0R W0ULD UNDERSTAND BECAUSE WE WERE DiFFERENT FRM THEM .. N0 MATTER WHERE i SEARCH F0R iT N00NE TALKS T0 ME LiKE YU D0 .. N00NE SMiLES LiKE YU D0 .. N0 0NE WRiTES LiKE YU D0 .. N00NE CARES LiKE YU D0 .. WHEN i NEEDED YU THE M0ST YU WERENT HERE .. WHEN i C0ULDNT SLEEP i C0ULDNT JUST CALL CUZ i W0ULD 0NLY HEAR THE HURT iN HER V0iCE .. S0NGS DNT C0NS0LE ME ANYM0RE .. WHY DiD YU HAVE T0 MAKE SUCH A MARK iN MY LiFE WHERE i FEEL H0W i D0 .. S0 N0W iM LEFT HERE SEEMiNGLY T0 R0T.. TRYNA LiVE MY LiFE H0W i SH0ULD .. BUT THERES STiLL S0METHiNG MiSSiNG .. CUZ THiS V0iD iN MY HEART W0NT FiLL .. & iM REALiZiNG N00NE L0VES ME LiKE YU DiD .. N0 MATTER H0W MUCH THEY SAY THEY D0 .. S0 i DiD WHAT YU T0LD ME N0T T0 D0 .. i PUSHD PE0PLE AWAY .. THEN i REALiZED i DNT WANT THiNGS T0 G0 UNSAiD S0 i BEGAN T0 GRASP WHAT i C0ULD AND TRY T0 H0LD 0N .. BUT i GUESS i WAS S0MEWHAT T00 LATE .. CUZ REGARDLESS i L0ST iT .. MAYBE i SH0ULD 0F TAPED MY HANDS T0 H0LD 0N T0 iT .. ? 0UT 0F ALL THE iSH iVE BEEN THR0UGH iN THE PAST FEW M0NTHS THE 0NLY THiNG i AM DiSSATiSFiED WiTH iS THE L0ST 0F YU .. i L0ST THE 0NE i CALLED MY HEART , i C0ULD 0F DiED TWiCE .. BUT BY CHANCE iM STiLL HERE .. H0W iS THAT ? BUT YU MY FRiEND YU ARE FAR S0 FAR AWAY FRM ME .. THAT iF i WANTED T0 DRiVE ALL THE WAY T0 R0AN0KE VA i W0ULDNT EVEN BE ABLE T0 CUZ i W0ULDNT BE ABLE T0 SEE YUR SMiLiNG FACE .. iD GiVE UP EVERYTHiNG i HAD JUST T0 SiT NEXT T0 YU iN THE GRASS AND JUST HAVE A L0NG TALK WiTH YU .. EVEN iF iTS F0R 0NE DAY 0R 2 HRS 0R 10 MiNS .. iD TAKE WHAT i C0ULD iF i WERE PR0MiSED T0 SEE YU 0NE M0RE TiME .. WE W0ULDNT EVEN HAVE T0 TALK iD BE SATiSFiED WiTH BEiNG iN YUR PRESENCE .. iF YU CANT TELL i CANT SLEEP BUDDY .. AND SEE i DNT KN0W iF YU N0TiCED BUT i L0ST MY BESTFRiEND LAST DEC .. iVE BEEN NUMB SiNCE MAY AND i DNT KN0W H0W T0 C0PE .. S0 F0R N0W iM STUCK DWN HERE D0iNG WHAT YU EXPECT 0UT 0F ME AND F0R N0W iM SiGNiNG 0FF .. REST iN PARADiSE J0SHUA ..
01.05.87 T0 DEC. 2007